I have decided to become a follower
of Dr. Juice.
I did flirt with a few other cults
but this one seemed a bit easier on the hours.
I can’t be doing with any kind of serious face time
down at some centre in a strange part of town.
I could of course cheat, tie a red piece of wool
round my wrist and change my name to Martha
that’s what all the hip kids are doing.
I’m not sure what I’d get out of it though
much like the empty Beck CD case
that I inadvertently keep trying to play
and keep putting back on the shelf.
Dr Juice has just congratulated me on being a pioneer.
I like that. That’s nice of him.
He’s all about loving life, the universe and everything,
but mostly it seems to be about loving kale juice.
He seems to be a bit of a fruitcake if truth be told
but I like that too. He also has amazing skin,
which, truth telling continued, is the real reason
I’m in on this thing.
so Day 3
no spiritual enlightenment
but damn my skin looks good
action juice shot
Posted in Juice Me Up | Tagged Beck, cults, diet, fruitcake, green juice, green smoothies, Gwyneth Paltrow, health and beauty, juice, juicy, Kabbalah, kale juice, klaatu barada nikto, Madonna, nutrition, skin, take me to your leader, vitamins | 1 Comment »
Thank God I am a Geordie.
Hadrian’s Wall – “The Line of Light”
Thank you to the people of the North for being daft enough to make a line
84 miles wide and light a line of beacons all in the name of history.
We are proper ancient and that up here.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Alan Shearer, England, F1, football, Formula 1, Geordie, geordies, Hadrian's Wall, history, life, lost the plot, newcastle upon tyne, North East, Northumberland, NUFC, Roman wall, Romans, Schumacher, Tyne and Wear, Tyneside | 3 Comments »
If you are an “aspiring female writer”
and you have cited Carrie Bradshaw as
an inspiration or a role model,
You are selling yourself short.
She is whiny and weak, and a pain in the arse.
Are you really in awe of the fact that she can talk about
vibrators and shoes all in the same breath? Is it her
ability to obsess about dead end, never going to work,
relationships with men who treat her like the silly little
girl that she is? Maybe you identify with her feeble traits
but “ooh she’s so fashionable, she must be cool”, and in some
way that makes it okay that you are feeble too?
He hasn't called for 3 weeks. Do you think I should fly to see him?
Posted in anthropology, lost the plot, Mental women, Sexual Science, Shut up | Tagged beauty, Carrie Bradshaw, culture, fashion, female writers, feminine feminist, feminine fetishist, feminism, feminist, feminist fetishist, feminist issues, feminist literary criticism, feminists give feminism a bad name, gender, lesbian, life, literature, New York, people, relationships, sex, sex in the city, sexism, sexual politics, sexy, sexy sexism, shoes, society, television, TV, weak, whiny, women, women writers | 1 Comment »
The 8kb bug.
Hours of wasted time.
Fuck you you useless number.
Fuck you Adobe for repeatedly crashing
a file becomes 8kb, or a multiple of,
and THAT being enough to completely FUCK YOUR SOFTWARE!!!!!
And YOU… number 8…
CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!!
Posted in lost the plot, My special place | Tagged 8kb, 8kb bug, Adobe, bug, computers, computing, CSS, Dr. Slutty Poppins, Dreamweaver, fail, fuck, fuck off, fuck you, HTML, Internet, lost the plot, mathermatics, maths, numbers, numerology, Slutty Poppins, software, technology, total twat, twat, twatting twat, web, websites | 2 Comments »
This post is purely to demonstrate how much I love my Vespa,
and NOT a cheap shot response Leroy Scandal’s slutty post.
Posted in lost the plot, Now drop your pants, Shut up | Tagged ass, automotive, bike, cars, chicks, choppers, cycles, Dr. Slutty Poppins, driving, engines, F1, Formula 1, garage, legs, Leroy Scandal, lost the plot, love and hate, love and romance, love on the internet, machines, mechanics, men, men and motors, motorbikes, motoring, motors, naked, naked girls, nude, porn, relationships, scooter, sex, slut, sluts, slutty girls, Slutty Poppins, two stroke, Vespa | 4 Comments »
… although this old bird is clearly an expert, Dr. Slutty Poppins advises that less experienced chicks take it a bit slower until they get to the greedy gobbling stage, as demonstrated here. As a Doctor, I always like to see a good healthy appetite in my patients and I strongly recommend they keep their daily intake of nutrients on the up.
Posted in Sexual Science, The Doctor is IN | Tagged blow job, blowjob, chicks, cock, cock sucking, deep throat, Dr. Slutty Poppins, face fuck, girls, hot girls, lost the plot, men, oral, oral sex, porn, relationships, sex, sex advice, sexual advice, Slutty Poppins | Leave a Comment »
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